Do Girls Poop: The misconception that women don’t relieve gas

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1. ‘Men are the only ones who can let it loose. Woman just don’t do that.’ Me is too cute to toot.
2. ‘She never goes at my house’ <— She flew the coop to go and poop.
3. 'Letting one loose in front of her' If you fart, expect her to start.
4. 'Not staying for dessert' She's smart enough to call it a wrap so she can go home and crap.

Life Lesson: Unfortunately pooping is for everyone.

Guidebooks:
Everybody Poops
Girls Don't Poop

Craptastically yours, Jennsylvania

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Stalker Diaries – Finding Love in My Pajamas, using an author as my matchmaker, Dammit.

Dear Jolene,

Can I call you Jolene? I’m really desperate to throw myself a slumber party. Unfortunately it’s currently just me, the characters from Dizzy and My Heart for Yours. For a cost I was hoping you wouldn’t mind being my plus 2 at this event. I promise I’m not a murderer or an animal lover (this prevents any potential allergy issues).

I do live in a remote location so I do need you to bring the supposed twelve steps to becoming a true love story addict. I’ve listed the requirements below.

1. Mani/Pedi Kits
2. Popcorn
3. Chocolate
4. Your books
5. Movies closely related to your books (so we can get a visual before bed)
6. A robe
7. Champagne
8. Boys
9. Pizza
10. A bottle (so we can spin the bottle)
11. Your car (for a secret midnight lover rendezvous)
12. Cosmo (duh, a girl’s best friend)

This all supplied in various beautiful pink boxes would be superb. A few co-workers told me you can’t find love in your pajamas, I’m going to prove them wrong. Since you’re a matchmaker – don’t lie your books have happy endings – I expect you to find the perfect boy for my happy ending.

Please Send Reply.

Love,
Totally-Not-A-Stalker-Just-Want-The-Perfect-Love-Story

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Jolene B. Perry is a talented writer and believer in love. She writes for all ages. This is her first known stalker.–

Sucker Punching Co-Workers with Personality Badges.

Sucker Punching Co-Workers with Personality Badges.

Thankfully I work with a bunch of lunatics who make my day bearable.

However though I surround myself around a lovely bunch of coco-NUTS there are still the select few that can steal your soul.

I petition Knock Knock to fix this situation with a simple solution, Personality Badges.

When you have an attitude you can choose to wear one of the following:
•I don’t have anything nice to say to your face and especially behind your back.
•I’m happy to avoid you at all costs, my indication – no eye contact.
•You’re unprepared with any actual conversation so talking to you is stupid.
•The minute I saw your face my annoyance was off the charts.
•’Haven’t had my coffee yet’ is merely a disguise to being anywhere you are not.
•I complain about company orientated events that don’t happen and when they do I avoid them because I’m just a whiner and nothing more.
•When I invite you to lunch it’s because my friends had previous plans.

These in general are super fun, HOWEVER, when in the work place I prefer a positive approach so even though I would totes purchase these buttons in a heartbeat, they’d be worn as underarmor against the nasties.

“DON’T BELIEVE YOUR CO-WORKERS ARE ANYTHING LIKE YOU”

I don’t like desk jobs. That being said, to dull the pain of the required time America feels the need to keep us in hell I often busy myself with email conversations with co-workers. Too bad once I’m ass deep in the game we’re playing I realize I’m still surrounded by idiots.

From: Stacy Tupeke

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 9:11am

To: Jennifer Daiker; Leslie Larton

Subject: Weird Crushes

So in my waste of a time I call a work day Leslie and I started talking about our weird crushes and we wanted to know what yours was.

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From: Jennifer Daiker

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 9:52am

To: Stacy Tupeke; Leslie Larton

Subject: Re: Weird Crushes

In my busy of a made up day I find this email completely uninformative. You ask me to reveal my weird crush (when I could possibly have multiple) and don’t set any parameters?

Are we talking about my local barista?

My need for any man in a UPS outfit – the ginger rule still applies, mind you.

The entire male staff inside the Apple Store?

My husband?

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From: Leslie Larton

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 11:08am

To: Stacy Tupeke; Jennifer Daiker

Subject: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

Celebrities.

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From: Jennifer Daiker

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 11:45am

To: Stacy Tupeke; Leslie Larton

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

Oh, in that case Joseph Gordon Levitt and Justin Long.

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From: Stacy Tupeke

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 1:02pm

To: Jennifer Daiker; Leslie Larton

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

They’re supposed to be weird, Jen, not nerdy chic.

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From: Jennifer Daiker

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 1:52pm

To: Stacy Tupeke; Leslie Larton

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

Nerdy chic wasn’t a thing back then. Nor is it really one now. You can’t just make up a style of man because you don’t like my selection. I stand behind my handsome weird boys.

Besides, who would you choose?

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From: Leslie Larton

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 2:11pm

To: Stacy Tupeke; Jennifer Daiker

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

Ryan Gosling.

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From: Stacy Tupeke

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 2:14pm

To: Jennifer Daiker; Leslie Larton

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

Leonardo DiCaprio.

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From: Jennifer Daiker

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 2:23pm

To: Stacy Tupeke; Leslie Larton

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

Judging by the two hottest celebrities on 9 out of 10 women’s bangable list, the only thing weird about this conversation is about how much I share with you until I realize we’re nothing alike.

Congratulations on not understanding your own game.