Going Penananas at the Office

Everyone knows how important pens are, especially the ones that we call our favorite. We take it everywhere with us and when it’s lost we mourn while searching. Well last week a pen had gone missing from someones hand and landed by the candy jar in my office. Once the owner was identified a few of us decided they needed a lesson on their forgetfulness.

There names have been changed for unnecessary safety precautions (mostly because it’s cool to rename people).

From: Landia, Bored
Sent: Wednesday, November 13, 2013 3:47 PM
To: LaFleur, Johanna
Cc: Yell, Liz; Lewis, Mara; Brownsville, Patti
Subject: Pen Ransom

Hi,

This is your pen. I’m being held hostage. Please send money… your best offer.

Pen

Sincerely,
SAVE ME!

From: Landia, Bored
Sent: Wednesday, November 13, 2013 3:49 PM
To: LaFleur, Johanna
Cc: Yell, Liz; Lewis, Mara; Brownsville, Patti
Subject: FW: Pen Ransom

Hi, this is your pen again. My hostages are giving you a hint…

I’m at Miceli’s Restaurant with Helen Waite. Please come find me and bring money. I can’t write without you.

From: LaFleur, Johanna
Sent: Wednesday, November 13, 2013 4:16 PM
To: Landia, Bored
Cc: Yell, Liz; Lewis, Mara; Brownsville, Patti
Subject: RE: Pen Ransom

I miss you dear Pen, sleep well in the company of strangers! A night away from me will do you good—I’m pretty sure these are good people at heart!
I would write a check for the ransom, but I don’t have my pen (or a check actually)!

From: Landia, Bored
Sent: Thursday, November 14, 2013 6:47 AM
To: LaFleur, Johanna
Cc: Yell, Liz; Lewis, Mara; Brownsville, Patti
Subject: RE: Pen Ransom

Dear Owner,

My quarters were dark and chilling. Has anyone mentioned the office is like an iceberg around here? When with you I feel cozy and warm. You just left me to suffer a painful existence being used by those carelessly reaching for their latest candy craving.

I only wish you’ll come for me before it’s too late or quite possibly this is farewell.

Your lonely forgotten friend,
Pen

From: LaFleur, Johanna
Sent: Thursday, November 14, 2013 7:42 AM
To: Landia, Bored
Cc: Yell, Liz; Lewis, Mara; Brownsville, Patti
Subject: RE: Pen Ransom

Never fear dear Pen, I’ve had a team doing reconnaissance work all night (they were the ones you might have seen wearing masks and black down jackets to fight off the bitter cold ). My plan is ready to launch, an exchange will be made, and you will be back home safe in my left hand today!
Stay positive!
Me

From: Landia, Bored
Sent: Thursday, November 14, 2013 7:44 AM
To: LaFleur, Johanna
Cc: Yell, Liz; Lewis, Mara; Brownsville, Patti
Subject: RE: Pen Ransom

I fear it might be too late… I’ve become a righty now.

From: LaFleur, Johanna
Sent: Thursday, November 14, 2013 7:47 AM
To: Landia, Bored
Cc: Yell, Liz; Lewis, Mara; Brownsville, Patti
Subject: RE: Pen Ransom

Oh no you didn’t!

End Result: The hostage was released and the owner brought her reward – Chocolate and Fruit Snacks. The pen and it’s owner are now walking down the hallway as they once were and she will never let go of her friend again… once she’s got her back to being a lefty that is.

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Sucker Punching Co-Workers with Personality Badges.

Sucker Punching Co-Workers with Personality Badges.

Thankfully I work with a bunch of lunatics who make my day bearable.

However though I surround myself around a lovely bunch of coco-NUTS there are still the select few that can steal your soul.

I petition Knock Knock to fix this situation with a simple solution, Personality Badges.

When you have an attitude you can choose to wear one of the following:
•I don’t have anything nice to say to your face and especially behind your back.
•I’m happy to avoid you at all costs, my indication – no eye contact.
•You’re unprepared with any actual conversation so talking to you is stupid.
•The minute I saw your face my annoyance was off the charts.
•’Haven’t had my coffee yet’ is merely a disguise to being anywhere you are not.
•I complain about company orientated events that don’t happen and when they do I avoid them because I’m just a whiner and nothing more.
•When I invite you to lunch it’s because my friends had previous plans.

These in general are super fun, HOWEVER, when in the work place I prefer a positive approach so even though I would totes purchase these buttons in a heartbeat, they’d be worn as underarmor against the nasties.

“DON’T BELIEVE YOUR CO-WORKERS ARE ANYTHING LIKE YOU”

I don’t like desk jobs. That being said, to dull the pain of the required time America feels the need to keep us in hell I often busy myself with email conversations with co-workers. Too bad once I’m ass deep in the game we’re playing I realize I’m still surrounded by idiots.

From: Stacy Tupeke

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 9:11am

To: Jennifer Daiker; Leslie Larton

Subject: Weird Crushes

So in my waste of a time I call a work day Leslie and I started talking about our weird crushes and we wanted to know what yours was.

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From: Jennifer Daiker

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 9:52am

To: Stacy Tupeke; Leslie Larton

Subject: Re: Weird Crushes

In my busy of a made up day I find this email completely uninformative. You ask me to reveal my weird crush (when I could possibly have multiple) and don’t set any parameters?

Are we talking about my local barista?

My need for any man in a UPS outfit – the ginger rule still applies, mind you.

The entire male staff inside the Apple Store?

My husband?

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From: Leslie Larton

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 11:08am

To: Stacy Tupeke; Jennifer Daiker

Subject: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

Celebrities.

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From: Jennifer Daiker

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 11:45am

To: Stacy Tupeke; Leslie Larton

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

Oh, in that case Joseph Gordon Levitt and Justin Long.

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From: Stacy Tupeke

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 1:02pm

To: Jennifer Daiker; Leslie Larton

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

They’re supposed to be weird, Jen, not nerdy chic.

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From: Jennifer Daiker

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 1:52pm

To: Stacy Tupeke; Leslie Larton

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

Nerdy chic wasn’t a thing back then. Nor is it really one now. You can’t just make up a style of man because you don’t like my selection. I stand behind my handsome weird boys.

Besides, who would you choose?

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From: Leslie Larton

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 2:11pm

To: Stacy Tupeke; Jennifer Daiker

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

Ryan Gosling.

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From: Stacy Tupeke

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 2:14pm

To: Jennifer Daiker; Leslie Larton

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

Leonardo DiCaprio.

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From: Jennifer Daiker

Date: Monday 13 February 2012 2:23pm

To: Stacy Tupeke; Leslie Larton

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Weird Crushes

Judging by the two hottest celebrities on 9 out of 10 women’s bangable list, the only thing weird about this conversation is about how much I share with you until I realize we’re nothing alike.

Congratulations on not understanding your own game.