Weirdest Pick up lines – When Subway’s no longer healthy

1. If you like water, you already like 72% of me, so we should mate.

2. If you were a ladder I’d climb all over you.

3. Baby did you fart, cause I’m blown away.

4. I usually don’t follow someone on the first night, but for you I’ll make an exception.

5. Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.

6. That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

7. I love my bed but I’d rather be in yours.

I do hope that if you’re out at a club and someone approaches you with a crazy pick up line you count to five and think – is it more cute or creepy? Some of these might have worked on me… but the others screamed potential future STALKER!

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Stalker Diaries – Finding Love in My Pajamas, using an author as my matchmaker, Dammit.

Dear Jolene,

Can I call you Jolene? I’m really desperate to throw myself a slumber party. Unfortunately it’s currently just me, the characters from Dizzy and My Heart for Yours. For a cost I was hoping you wouldn’t mind being my plus 2 at this event. I promise I’m not a murderer or an animal lover (this prevents any potential allergy issues).

I do live in a remote location so I do need you to bring the supposed twelve steps to becoming a true love story addict. I’ve listed the requirements below.

1. Mani/Pedi Kits
2. Popcorn
3. Chocolate
4. Your books
5. Movies closely related to your books (so we can get a visual before bed)
6. A robe
7. Champagne
8. Boys
9. Pizza
10. A bottle (so we can spin the bottle)
11. Your car (for a secret midnight lover rendezvous)
12. Cosmo (duh, a girl’s best friend)

This all supplied in various beautiful pink boxes would be superb. A few co-workers told me you can’t find love in your pajamas, I’m going to prove them wrong. Since you’re a matchmaker – don’t lie your books have happy endings – I expect you to find the perfect boy for my happy ending.

Please Send Reply.

Love,
Totally-Not-A-Stalker-Just-Want-The-Perfect-Love-Story

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Jolene B. Perry is a talented writer and believer in love. She writes for all ages. This is her first known stalker.–