Thanksgiving Crisis: Missing Breadtopia

This morning I had to give that normal guy some pretty bad news.

ME: I forgot to pick up rolls? How could I? That’s a staple for Thanksgiving!

TNG: Yeah, that’s a pretty big mess up. How can I stand being married to someone who forgets ROLLS!!

ME: I know. I’m ashamed. Our marriage is clearly a sham.

TNG: Clearly, built on lies and deceit.

ME: Despite my ability to be a good wife you are an excellent husband. The bread defeats me once again.

TNG: I am willing to look past the horrible event and move on… I… Forgive… You.

ME: I don’t deserve your forgiveness but will gladly take it *grabs it before he changes his mind*

End Result: This colossal mistake will be handled and Breadtopia will resume at our house. I apologize for anyone I frightened with this mess up. Hopefully you don’t make the same mistake. You have a few days to get out there and buy ALL THE RIGHT THANKSGIVING STAPLES.

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Sex up the Fall – Couch Potato Style

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Fall is coming – Which means new television shows, more blockbuster movies, and endless amounts of food and holiday cheer (if you’re into that sort of thing… I’m not *stands in corner protecting Christmas Tree put up in July*)

Those New Year’s Resolutions you’ve been clinging onto (hardly) in hopes to have nailed your swim suit ready look are out the window come October (yes, people prep their stomachs to be able to handle the overload come Thanksgiving).

So I say, stuff your face with good intentions. Good food, good people, good televsion is on its way – embrace the change (yes, I’m referring to your pant size).

Here is a quick workout from the best person on the planet – a couch potato.

1. Remote Access – Leave the remote on the coffee table. Each time a commercial comes up you can lean forward, fast forward, and lean back. That’s like a ten second ab workout! Go you, you crazy wild tiger!

2. Spoon Yourself – Eating dinner on the couch? Sit at the edge of the couch, sitting straight up. Bring the silverware to you. Whoa – what happened – that’s right, we’re promoting great posture and strengthened those arms of yours!

3. Leg up – Do you stretch out on the couch? During a show make a point to lift your legs up above it’s resting place and count to five. Do this during the entire show and you’ve worked your leg muscles! You wo’t even need to wear heels to tighten those calves anymore… MEOW!

4. Head Rush – Lay upside down on your couch while watching a show. This provides an alternate angle for your viewing pleasure AND stretches out your back!

5. Dance Dumb – Your fav television show is about to start? Listen to the intro music and do a quick ten second dance. Jab your arms, kick your feet, and wiggle all about! If your man OR woman is around – a free lap dance doesn’t hurt – just make sure you’ve recorded the new fall preview. You don’t want to be the only one NOT talking about it the next day!

Craplandia Disclaimer: This is not terrible advice but if you’re looking for weight loss I’d suggest you find someone who actually has experience with the art of motivation and weight loss.